When it comes to domestic adoptions, perhaps the most important thing that you can do is check your ego at the door before the process itself even begins.

When you first choose to sign on with virtually any type of a nationwide agency that offers domestic adoptions, you’ll find yourself filling out paperwork and having long discussions about topics that include which specific races you feel comfortable with and acceptable drug exposure. In instances like this, the question of adoptions that are open, semi-open, or closed may also pop up and have to be decided upon. Regardless, your ego will likely prevent you from putting aside your own specific fears. You’ll still finish your own paperwork, complete your home study, and end up waiting. Eventually, you may find that your ego will end up getting a little more hurt when another family gets chosen over you. You’ll likely try to figure out why you were either failing or weren’t appealing to the birth parents.

Open adoption is then something that you should then take a deeper and closer look into, which will help you even more with putting your ego aside. Many of these types of agencies share accounts from happy children who have secure senses of self, birth parents that deeply love their children, and adoptive parents who feel so humble to be a part of the process itself. Sure, your ego may continue to haunt you as you keep waiting throughout this type of adoption process as well, and there may be multiple situations that fall through. There may even be times where you think you may not be good enough or you think about what you may have done to deserve these types of losses. In the end, however, it’s important to remember that your loss or a birth parent’s loss isn’t the most important when it comes to adoption. The most important loss to consider is that of a child.

Finally, our time came – we adopted a 17-year-old girl. At the time, she was scared and waiting behind a hospital door for us. We asked each other if we were ready, squeezed each others’ hands, and walked into what would become our destiny. This adoption was an open one, and we promised that we would be strong enough to help keep a thread alive between our son, who was actually our first adoption, and his biological mother. We quickly built up a great friendship with the girl and realized that not only did we want her in our lives for our son, but we wanted her in our lives for ourselves as well.

Prior to our first open adoption, I failed to realize how important it was to not value our egos so much. By being much more open, we will be able to have faith and know that a bigger plan is better than anything that we could have ever potentially dreamed of. Our second adoption was entered into with our heads held high, and the family that found us seriously entrusted the girl to us, and they also had all of the grace that we had always looked for.

To read another perspective on open adoption, click here.